Saturday, January 3, 2009

Spankings and Self Control... and a little poo

So, we took the kids to eat at Denny's today. Why Denny's you ask? Is it the luxuriously clean surroundings? Is it the masterful culinary creations? The impeccable service? No, it is just because for some reason our kids absolutely love it and beg to go all the time. Jason was feeling especially generous today due to the fantastic weather and productive morning of cleaning and he wanted to offer the little chickens something that would delight them - so off we went.

We could hear people commenting on how well behaved the children were. Believe me, these guys aren't perfect, but we do almost always, when we go out, receive compliments on their behavior. I guess people assume that 7 children will act like banchees and they are amazed that ours sit, color, and eat. Our waiter (excuse me, server) came over at the end of the meal and made a big deal about how extremely well behaved the kids were (I guess he missed the point where Tyson refused to pray and slithered under the table!). He then said that families with only 2 children will come in and their kids will be yelling and throwing things. I looked down at the children and asked "What does it sound like those kids need?" and Carson and Ally replied simultaneously - Carson said "spankings!" and Ally said "self control!" I loved it. I told them they were both right.

I guess I should qualify this by saying although our kids are by no means perfect we do work hard at teaching them how to obey and behave in public. Once, I had a waitress (excuse me, server) continually tell me that I was SO LUCKY to have such well behaved kids. "Mine are terrible" she kept saying. "YOU ARE JUST SO LUCKY." She must have said it 7 times in the course of the night. I determined then and there that I didn't want people to think I was just lucky but know that in order to have well behaved children you must work at it. I shoudl also say, just becasue your child acts like a demon in publice does not mean you're not working on it. We do not judge BECAUSE we have been horrified and humiliated so many times by the behavior of one or some or all of our children. OK - off my soap box and on to the poo...

As Jason is paying our bill I notice Piper grunt... obviously about the business of doing her business. A moment after that I SEE her business oozing out of the back of her pants, the front of her pants, and THROUGH her pants. 7 children and I have never had this experience - to this degree. I was horrified. Jason and I pulled off an amazing covert operation involving a coat from the back of the van, lots of napkins, wipes and Purell. We set up shop in the back of the van.

By the time the twins came around Jason and I began to just cut off and throw away pooped on and vomited on clothing, but I liked the outfit Pip had on too much. Have you ever tried to strategically remove a poopy shirt so as to not get poop all over the head and face of the child? It's awkward! Piper was a pretty good sport and the bigger kids got a kick out of acting like they were grossed out - all the while watching from over the seat.

The poor baby had to drive home in nothing but a diaper and was quickly treated to a bath. What fun! Just another day in the Woodard family where we have all the fun in the world! :)


  1. ok, I take it back, your life might be slightly more difficult than mine.

    But getting to go to Denny's...must be nice to be able to do that.

  2. that reminds me of the time I was sitting in breastfeeding support group, burping Owen and sharing how my week had gone (all eyes on us) and Owen just loaded up his diaper and it crawled up his back and soaked through his clothes up to his neck as I was speaking! I wasn't the only one mortified! And yes, that change of clothes was tricky! ;)

  3. Both my kids had what we would call "poop up the backs". It was an explosion you could actually hear when it happened! It was super fun to try and clean it up without getting it all over!

    The pic of Pip at the bottom is so adorable...she looks like a little Kewpie doll!

  4. Grace-Anne was my queen pooper baby, I swear she had a certain outfit that EVERY time she wore it, she had a massive diaper explosion, it just became a running joke at the Duncan house.